Tuesday, February 17, 2004

My Destiny Part I

This is no schoolgirl crush.  It's not an infatuation or even an affair.  It's a lifelong commitment.  X-rated, down and dirty.  Through thick and thin till death do us part.  It's who I am, and who I'll always be.  I'm thinking about changing my last name to ... Chocolate.  I realize the severity of my addiction.  I've tried to give it up a few times but I always come back.  I know it's no good for me but I don't care.  My idea of foraging for food is peeling the tin foil from the individually wrapped pieces of Rolos.  Exercise?  Sustained and vigorous chewing of Tootsie Rolls.  Dieting?  A restriction on the amount of chocolate you eat each day.  I know there are other food groups.  Their purpose is to keep you alive so you can eat more chocolate.  Challenged in some way?  There are sugar free, nut free and dairy free chocolates. There is even religious chocolate; Kosher and GODiva.  If chocolate was available in the Garden of Eden do you think Eve would have gone for the apple? Chocolate has medicinal purposes.  It calms the beast like symptoms of PMS and can help heal a broken heart.  Through out history chocolate has been there.  What do you think Napoleon had hidden under his coat?  A chocolate bar no doubt.  When Marie Antoinette shouted, "Let them eat cake!", she meant chocolate cake.  When Gloria Swanson said,"Alright Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close up.", it was because she had just finished licking the last traces of a chocolate truffle from her finger tips and was ready to resume filming.  There is no event or situation that isn't improved in some way by chocolate.  What did American GI's use to attract women during the great wars?  Chocolate and silk stockings.  Odd combination?  Not really.  The nicer your legs looked the better chance you had of getting more chocolate.  And chocolate is for everybody, no matter what your age, sex, religion, location, nationality, sexual affiliation or income.  And it's totally legal and readily available.  Your first taste was probably from your parents.  Would your own mother give you something that wasn't good?

8 comments:

redhdka said...

Chocolate from last nights big plate of cake and the one I had the night before is the reason I have a zit on my face right next to my nose with a big digusting puss filled white head on it..it looks like a volcano....chocolate..thank you chocolate. But yea its so good...worth the zit i don't know but it is sexy thats for sure. It satisfies my craving for love sometimes

readmereadyou said...

omg! I love your historical explanations. LOL! Chocolate is also my drug of choice.
You are so talented. : )

readmereadyou said...

See what you did? I read this typed a comment and went for my Valentine chocolates. LOL!

derasta said...

Boy can I relate to this topic...I am a true chocoholic if there ever was one...Only I hide my stash in my filing cabinet so I always have a supply on hand...Currently i'm hiding 2 bags of Hershey's Nuggets, milk chocolate with almonds....

iwaterbeari said...

I know you'll say it's blasphemy, but I don't like chocolate (and yes, I'm a woman). Instead, I have a penchant for anything watermelon or apple flavored. Jolly Ranchers are most definitely heaven sent!

bridgetteleigh75 said...

I'm a good girl. I enjoy the religious chocolatey goodness of a GODiva Honey Roasted Almond Truffle. OMG....better than sex, I say!

XO ~ Bridgett

BTW...I think Lisa Chocolate is a very pretty name. =)

his1desire said...

yea .. i know my comment has nothing to do with chocolate but i spent at least an hour reading through your website .. you had me captivated, hook, line and sinker .. you have an amazing and refreshing writing style that i adore !!
thank you so much for sharing your sense of humor and kinda twisted outlook on life with us :)
pamela

alphawoman1 said...

I have to hide chocolate......it's a great game Joe and I play. I purchase it and then hide it...see how long it takes him to find it before its all gone! Ha.
Mary