Monday, March 8, 2004

Where do I sign?

After much time and thoughtful consideration I have finally decided what I want to do with my life.  I want to be rich.  I'm not talking comfortable or well off.  I mean filthy, freakin' rich.  Although I have no previous experience, I'd like to have a chance to prove myself.  Who knows?  I could be a natural.  Have talent beyond the extraordinary.  People might go around saying, "I can't believe she's never been rich before!  She acts like she's been rich all of her life!"  I think I would be a great rich person.  I'd never be greedy or stingy.  Everyone would share in my good fortune in some way.  I'd invest lots of money into research.  With my funding we could possibly eradicate wrinkles, cellulite and gray hair in the near future.  We could get someone to develop a pill that really makes you tan from head to toe so no one would have to spend hours lying out in the sun.  I'd sponsor a team of scientists to develop an antidote for testosterone.  Maybe find a cure for PMS and menopause.  I'd be a crime-fighter.  Any man found guilty of indulging in a mid-life crisis would be deemed incompetent, committed to a psychiatric facility immediately, and control of all the money would be given to his wife.  I don't want you think that I'm some kind of a saint...  I'd indulge myself.  I'd spend almost all of my time traveling, and I'd always fly first class.  I'd have a driver and a personal assistant just to follow me around and remind me where I put things and what I was going to do next.  I'd have so many twinkling lights at Christmas you'd see my house from outer space.  Wherever I went, a miniature orchestra would play the appropriate music for that moment of my life.  Just like in the movies.  (Hopefully they would never feel the need to play the music from 'Jaws' or 'Halloween').  I'd plant bulbs everywhere.  I'd be the Johnny Appleseed of tulips and daffodils.  I'd produce a new sitcom for TV and star in it.  And I'd write humorous entries in my Journal every day.  Now that I know what I want to do with my life I just have to start making it a reality.
So... anybody know where I sign up?

10 comments:

andreakingme said...

You must go to Ireland. Look for the short bearded men under green hats. But they only come out on sunny days after a good rain. And ... only if it's Tuesday.

Ahhh, tis a worthy life's goal, Lisa. Play the lottery, woman!

readmereadyou said...

I don't know where you sign up to get rich but if you find out, I promise to be your best friend ever. LOL!

redhdka said...

LOL You made me laugh...ahhhhhh lol this was so funny. What a pissa! I wish I could tell you where to sign up...I want those mid life crisis men locked up...In fact I got one over at my house you can start with i'm thinking maybe that's his problem. I love your house so bright it would be seen from outter space..I always tell my kids we put up the christmas lights so that Jesus will see that we remembered his birthday. I think you would be a great Rich person I really do!

karynetaylor said...

ummm, contact the networks, this could be a great reality show: make this random woman instantly BEYOND stinkin' rich and record every moment of what she does with it ...

would have to be better than Trump's lame show!! or Anna Nicole Bimbo's!

~ Karyn
http://beta.journals.aol.com/karynetaylor/WhateverItTakesMyChoices/

punky5678 said...

This is wonderful! All of your ideas are very reasonable and I am sure there must be someone in the world that would help you out on this endeavor. I wrote the other day about my DREAM LIFE SCRIPT in which I was a very successful performer preparing for a US tour and an International tour, maybe when you become "freakin" rich you can sponsor my tour! hehe

quroboros said...

These are priceless, pardon the pun. For me, disgustingly rich would mean breeding genetically altered cats that didn't shed, buying the island of Jamaica and paying to have the English language fixed to delete all the weird spellings. ¤Holly

mountainmere said...

ME ME ME ME ME ME ME!!! Where do I sign up?? Meredith

http://beta.journals.aol.com/mountainmere/MountainOfExpectations

mdkjic said...

I do not know where to sign up for rich, but if I did I would be sure to tell you. Your research projects are all so altruistic and will surely be for the betterment of mankind. When I win the lottery I may just help out in the cellulite and PMS research products. I will also send you a three man band to follow you around for a week and play your theme music. How do you feel about the Mexican hat dance song?

somenuttychic said...

Sign up? Yeah, sure. Just go down to the corner store and ask for something called a *lottery ticket*. ;-)

Great entry!

gbgoglo said...

With all your research and investments and helping...you'll never do rich. You're not selfish enough or greedy enough. I'm not saying that all rich people are selfish and greedy, but that seems to be the norm. So, if you can't be rich, be happy and have fun. Enjoy your weekend! Hugs...gloria