As usual around Valentine's Day many of the Internet Dating Sites have run specials, taking advantage of the increased awareness of loneliness that frequently follows this holiday. Feeling it myself this year, and getting my Income Tax Refund at precisely the same time as a special caught my eye, I decided to join one again. As they say on TV, it doesn't hurt to look.
My first would-be suitor's favorite hobby was "dressing up like Benjamin Franklin and walking the streets of Philadelphia for fun". He included a photograph of himself, and he did indeed look like Franklin. 'Ben' did have some good points. If he ended up being a stalker, he'd be easy to spot and pick out of a police line up. But, I decided to hold off and see if there was anyone else out there. Please God. Any one else. Be careful what you ask for.
I got an E-mail from another candidate yesterday. I have copied and pasted it exactly as he sent it to me so you can see the caliber of men from which I have to choose:
Hello i;m Ray..just noticed you on this net,,,very much i liked youre write up /photo..i;m from burlington nj....love summer / fall....do you like boating?....or guitar players..??...love to hesr from you,,,until then...Ray
I was stunned. Didn't 'Ray' realize that these few grammatically incorrect sentences, filled with misspellings and erroneous punctuation usage would be the first and only impression I would have of him? Surely he'd want to impress me just a little. I sent the E-mail to my friend Brian, who being a man himself, graciously agreed to interpret it for me.
Ray's message is written in blue, Brian's interpretation in red.
Hello i;m Ray
Hello, I’m on parole.
just noticed you on this net
Your last name starts with a 'V'. All the women from A
to U have already shot me down.
very much i liked youre write up /photo
Do you have a free webcam site?
Im from burlington, nj
No closer than1,000 feet of Burlington High School to be more precise.
love summer / fall
Was incarcerated winter / spring.
do you likeboating?
Is your life insurance paid up?
or guitar players..??...
I have no known job skills.
love to hesr from you
Unless you're a parole officer
Until my next hearing, Ray
Thank God Brian was able to explain this to me.
I might have passed this guy up!