Thursday, March 25, 2010

On Death and Dying Part 2 of 3

So... what DOES one wear when hosting your own Viewing? I guess it doesn't matter if you've worn it before, or even if someone else is wearing the same exact outfit. You can't really die of embarrassment since you're already dead. However... whatever you're wearing, you going to be wearing it FOREVER. So you better like it. A LOT.

I'm still undecided between cremation and burial. This is a decision one must make ahead of time. Mausoleums are a nice idea, but you have to worry that yours might become the hangout for the local teenagers on the weekends. I've seen many caskets exhumed on forensic television shows and it appears that water frequently seeps into them. A leaky basement is bad enough. I couldn't stand being cold and  wet.

If I'm cremated, I'd like my ashes placed into a columbarium. That's a building in the cemetery where the walls have slots to house urns. I don't want my kids to be burdened with my ashes, or if I'm married at the time of my death, have to worry that his new wife will suck me up with the vacuum. The columbariums look like condos for dead people. I'm sure that there must be all kinds of activities planned for the dearly departed residents. Week-end picnics for the relatives. Easter egg hunts for the grand-kids. Contests for the Most Festive Holiday Decorations on a Tombstone. Ghostly Tours on Halloween... Yeah.

I've always wanted a nice Viewing. A really fun one. With live music, good food, imported chocolate, decorations, drinking, singing and dancing. I envision a band escorting me to the cemetery like they do in New Orleans with saxophones and trombones playing old gospel hymns. I want everyone to have such a good time that they look forward to going to the next funeral like mine, even if they have to host their own.

Stay tuned for Part III...

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