Thursday, May 8, 2014

My New Career


According to the Talent Acquisition Manager at my hospital, we are about to enter an exciting phase of our working careers! 

Our division will be"transitioning" in the next few months. We will no longer be an acute care hospital, we will be a Long Term Care and Acute Care Facility,where none of us, will be eligible to be hired. Wow. That is exciting. I can hardly wait.

I could possibly be out of work, with no health benefits at a time in my life where I need medical care just about every week. The recruiter said I should "broaden my horizons". I think they're about as broad as they're gonna get. I feel sorry for the younger employees. They have longer to live than I do. If I have to be unemployed I hope at least my husband and I stay healthy until we get medical
benefits.

BTW... let me take this opportunity to shamelessly promote myself. I have always been interested
in being rich and famous. Now, I'll have the time to pursue that ambition! If you know anyone
who is looking for a person to make rich and famous ... I'm your woman. I have many, many
talents, too many to list here, but I will furnish you with said list at your request. Just send me a
SASE (I'm about to be out of work, you know).

I am an unsuccessful writer with lots of talent. I'm a lousy speller but I have spell check. I can only type with two fingers, but I'm pretty fast.
I don't like to get up early,  but I can stay up late if necessary. I am able to stand after having two
cocktails. I only fall when I'm sober, but that's not a problem since I try not to be sober too often. 

I used to be a good nurse. I don't think the human body parts have changed since I went to
nursing school thirty years ago, but just in case, I can Google it. I'm great at telling other people
what to do, which is natural, since I'm somewhat of a control freak. Since I am no longer young,
skinny and hot, it would probably be best not to put me at the front desk. If there is more than one
floor, I'll require an elevator. I have a phobia of driving, so I prefer to work close to my home. I
should mention here, that I work best in my pajamas. Flannel ones. Get your mind out of the
gutter. I do have a pacemaker, but that will enable me to continue to show up for work long after
I'm dead. I am too old to get pregnant, so you won't have to put up with those inconvenient
maternity leave requests. 

My children are all grown, so there won't be any day care teachers calling me at work. I do, occasionally, need to take a call from a bail bondsman depending on what my kids are up to or have been caught doing.

 All that being said, you can reach me most anytime on Face Book, making whimsical and sometimes profound comments. I look forward to hearing from you.

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