Wednesday, November 26, 2003

No porch for you, Missy!

Ray and I went to see 'Todd' this morning.  According to him, if you take away the footage in front of our house that belongs to the township and to the sewer company, we do not have the required 35 feet between the property line and the edge of the proposed porch.  Therefore we cannot build a new porch, even though it would be placed in the same exact spot as the old one.  I tried to explain to 'Todd' that we had already torn down the old porch as it was rotting and near collapse, leaving us with no access to our front door.  Other than using the back door from now on, the only other thing that 'Todd' could suggest to us was to apply for a variance.  That's where you go in front of the Township Zoning Board and beg them to let you do something that is perfectly logical, justified, and reasonable but presently prohibited.  Before they allow you to do even that, you must fill out a 50 page booklet outlining your plans to a degree that would rival the raising of the Titanic, including documentation to prove you have notified every neighbor  within 200 feet of your property of those plans, have posted a newspaper advertisement to alert any all community members of your proposal and, maybe most importantly, enclosed a check for the amount of $550.  The Board will then decide if they will hear your appeal, and then you will be notified if and when this hearing will take place.  At that point you must re-notify all the neighbors of the hearing date in case they would like to attend.  If you can afford the cost, have nothing else to do, and you are still living by the time they approve your variance then you may feel better knowing that you did it legally and with the blessing of the township.  Personally, I think doing it without their damned consent is worth sitting in jail for however long they send me away.  Even though I really don't think that we'd get caught, Ray doesn't want to take that chance.  Is it too much to want to come home after work and be able to sit out on the front porch with your honey?  Hell... at this point, I'd just like to be able to just walk up to and get in the front door!   Happy Thanksgiving.

5 comments:

somenuttychic said...

Oh, the joys of home ownership. What a nightmare. I'm with you. I would build the d*mn porch on my own and take the heat. It would probably be quicker and less expensive. They could haul me off of it and right to jail if they wanted to, but at least it would be there. In the meantime, Happy Thanksgiving!

kymllr said...

Missed the last 3 posts finally got here today-oh the wedding..sounds so Beautiful-and stuff-oh ya-you oughta see my place :)-the porche perople SUCK-thank god out in little bridger,montana you live next door to the commissioner who scoots it through lollll-((((HUGS))))

lotzamoe said...

Todd sounds like the large turkey I was looking for. Happy Thanksgiving!

karynetaylor said...

Build the porch. Hopefully if there's that much red tape to get something approved, there will be just as much to wade through to come down on you for being out of code or whatever they're trying to say you'd be. Tell them you restored the pieces of the old porch and put them back exactly as they used to be, no harm done.

~ Karyn

hillareeday said...

I think you ought to take Todd out back and rough him up a little....
I like your journal!