Wednesday, April 12, 2017

And sometimes you're the bug...

When I first started writing this blog years ago my mission statement was that someday I wanted to find my place in the world. Where I wasn't just 'The Occupant' of my domain. I wanted to be the owner. Where 'all the mail was addressed to me'. I came close so many times. I could taste it. Feel it. Now I wonder... how many times does a person have to fall off a bike before they realize that they just can't ride? Apparently many times.

I've been writing and dreaming of becoming a successful author since I was a little girl. My first taste of success was writing a daily blog on AOL back in 2003. I was named 'AOL's Editor's Choice' TWICE! For a few hours on those two days if you signed onto AOL you'd see my picture and a description of my blog (and a link to it) on the opening page! I was actually contacted by a literary agency in New York City who wanted me to re-write the blog and have it published in book form. I was on my way (or so I thought).

Well, AOL decided to stop offering blogs so I moved to Blogger. But without a forwarding address I lost most of my Readers. After talking to the NY agents for a few hours I knew I wouldn't be able to write all about my adventures as a newly divorced, middle aged woman from NJ including all the details they wanted without dredging up quite a few bad memories that were anything but funny and embarrassing my children, so I had to decline their offer.

As a very unusual but exciting Christmas gift my kids purchased a comedy workshop course for me at a local community college. "You're a natural!" they assured me. I did take the course and actually appeared in ten shows in the months following graduation. Although my kids probably thought I was on my way, unfortunately, I discovered that I suffered with an extreme case of stage fright that never got any better so I decided to give up performing in public.

I returned to writing and after numerous rejections I got my first book published with Devine Destinies in 2010.  Signing that contract was every bit as exciting as giving birth to a beautiful child. This time I was sure I was on my way. Alas, 'Passing Whispers' was only available as an Ebook and for some reason it didn't sell. Even my friends preferred a printed version. I put out a book trailer which I hoped would get the attention of the people who produce movies for Hallmark. It would make a wonderful Hallmark Christmas movie! Until it didn't. But I'm still hoping! I didn't renew my contract in 2012 and haven't found another publisher as yet.

In 2015 I found Tate Publishing who agreed to publish my first children's book 'There's a Monster In My Closet!' Much more successful than 'Passing Whispers' I thought I had found my niche as well as my way. Tate also agreed to publish my second children's book 'The Snow Lord and the Spring Fairy'. That book was supposed to be released in March 2017. Once again, fate intervened and Tate Publishing closed its doors before the book ever hit the shelves of Amazon.

Now I know all the stories about other authors like Stephen King, whose wife retrieved his last novel out of the trash where he had thrown it, only to see it discovered by a different publisher who put it out and made King a household name. Or the story about J.K. Rowling who considered suicide after years of depression and failure before introducing the world to Harry Potter, one of the most successful book series of all time.

My problem is I'm already 62 years old and I don't have an entire lifetime ahead of me to find success. Of course if you view that in the 'glass half full' sense, I am closer to the potential 'fame after death' phenomenon like Emily Dickinson, Johann Bach and Vincent van Gogh. Just kidding.
The very thought of leaving behind a legacy of greatness someday makes shopping for a tombstone a lot easier. Dare I say... exciting?

Of course that all depends on whether I'm luckier after death than I was in life. Hmmm. That thought gives new meaning to the phrase "I'm on my way!"

Turn the lights off, will you?

PS: I have a few hundred copies of 'There's A Monster In My Closet!' left that just happen to be available to you at cost. Email me and I'd be happy to sign them for a beloved child of your choice. Not a bad investment especially if I do become famous someday. Your book would be worth a fortune! Just think van Gogh! 
$6.99 includes free shipping for soft covers.
$11.99 includes free shipping for hard cover
Email me at: And no, I won't sell your information. I can't even sell mine!