Friday, December 31, 2010

Goodbye, 2010!

     On this last day of 2010, I wonder how many lives were changed... forever? Was this a year you'll never forget?

      Somewhere... someone was diagnosed with cancer.  Somebody was killed in an automobile accident.  A young man contracted HIV.  Someone was fired from their job.  A teenage girl got pregnant.  Somewhere a wife found out her husband was cheating on her.  A teenager ran away from home.  A  family watched their house burn down.  A child's puppy was struck by a car.  A soldier was killed.  A boy had his heart broken. Someone lost their last dollar in a casino.  A man held his wife's hand in the Intensive Care Unit for the last time.  A grocery store clerk was held up at gun point.  A young woman miscarried. A man said goodbye to the grandfather who raised him. A child was abducted.  Somewhere, a heroin addict overdosed for the last time. An angry man murdered his wife. A woman found a lump in her breast. A man was sentenced to prison for the rest of his life. A drunk picked up his car keys...

     All these things happened somewhere in the people just like me. Maybe right next door. Maybe right this minute. I am stunned. 

     Desperately searching for some glimmer of hope I realize that in this very same year...   A baby was born.  A young couple got married.  A lost kitten was found.  Proud parents watched their youngest child graduate from high school.  Someone got a promotion.  Another won the lottery.  A teenage boy bought his first car.  A young woman discovered that after years of trying, she was finally pregnant.  A doctor told a worried family that the operation was a success.  A young woman had flowers delivered to her door.  Two childhood friends took off on a trip to Greece.  A singer had a #1 hit.  A child was returned to his mother.  A mortgage application was approved.  A dentist informed a 5 year old that he didn't have any cavities, and a 10th grade girl was asked to the prom.  

I ponder the wonder of it all and I'm left with just one lingering thought.  I must have WAY too much time on my hands.

Happy New Year! May 2011 bring joy, happiness, peace and love! 

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Please Allow 4-6 Weeks For Delivery

I now realize that I have the power to make my life easier, happier and healthier without even leaving the comfort of my own living room. I can change my very destiny with just a TV, a telephone and a credit card.  Where did I get this power?  Infomercials. Don't laugh. Try watching one for just a few minutes. These glorified, blockbuster commercials are fascinating and addicting. See for yourself how these products have changed the lives of ordinary people like you and me.  Still not convinced?  Let a celebrity show you. Or a... 'doctor'.

From health and exercise, make-up and beauty, to cooking and cleaning, these ads of epic proportion will show you the way to a better life. You can awaken in the morning feeling completely rested after sleeping on a mattress specially designed by NASA.  Refreshed because thanks to your new breathing device, you didn't snore.  That knowing smile on your face shows that you have discovered both whiter teeth and the secret to true passion (no prescription necessary in Cuba, St. Croix or New Jersey).  

Looking into the streak free mirror (using only micro fiber cloths and plain water) you know you look marvelous.  Your skin is clear and you have a lot less wrinkles. You tanned in one hour, got thicker, softer hair and quickly removed all the split ends.  After showering you can remove unwanted hair from your legs, bikini zone, and upper lip with a disposable, battery operated device that can also trim shrubbery. Looking down, you raise your perfectly sculpted eyebrows. Is that a stain on the bedroom rug? No problem. Just clean it with your bottle of 'Carpet Psychic' to completely remove it right down to the padding underneath it.  Now that all of your furniture rests on plastic disks, you can move any piece across the room without needing physical therapy afterwards.

You roll out your personal Complete Home Gym In A Shoebox, conveniently stored under your bed and work out all of your major muscle groups in less than 3 minutes. You could afford those 3 low monthly payments of only $999 each, since you recently quit smoking in just seven days. With no cravings.

Oops!  It's time to go and pick up your great grandmother. How she loves being able to do her own shopping now that she has an Electric Granny Go-Cart. That company even did the paperwork for her, and threw in a handy shopping basket (some assembly required). The sun is shining brightly, but it doesn't bother you. You're wearing your polarized, glare and distortion free designer sunglasses worn by the cast of 'Friends' themselves. Fortunately after you accidentally dropped them last week while installing your virtually maintenance free gutter and downspout screens, you were able to borrow your neighbor's Eyeglass Cleaner/Polisher and Scratch Remover Pads. It was almost fun climbing up onto the roof with the new safety ladder. It really can be used in 1400 different positions and be kept in your wallet for easy storage. 

You wave at your sister as you drive by her house.  She smiles because she is effortlessly watering her lawn with a garden hose that never kinks and rolls up flat. She looks great, too. She recently lost 420 pounds while taking a pill that worked. Really worked. She knew it would. It cost $158 a bottle.  She's a new woman with a bright future. She completed an at home study course that not only taught her how to do her own taxes but how to purchase real estate for less than $5 down. She now owns half of Los Angeles. Oh no! Is that a ding in her new Porsche? Not to worry. She can borrow the bonus tool for popping out your own dents that came with the video and 400 page booklet, 'Why Pay A Professional When You Can DoIt Yourself?'  That kit sure came in handy last year when Uncle Phil suffered a heart attack and the doctor told him he needed bypass surgery. After reading chapter nine, Aunt Mae saved them tons of money by doing it herself using a sonic toothbrush and her food sealer (purchased separately). 

Thanks to infomercials, life is not only better, faster, easier, and cheaper, it's darn near perfect.  Guaranteed or your money back. Less shipping and handling, of course.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The Plan

I've decided to make 2011 a great year. Why should I sit back and let Fate make all the decisions?

I'm 55 years old. My cardiologist told me last week:"Lisa, you already have high blood pressure, high cholesterol and a pacemaker. You're overweight and out of shape. You don't exercise and you smoke cigarettes. I don't have to tell what lies ahead of you. But, you're still young enough to change the course of you life. Start TODAY!"

WOW. His words burned into my brain like the Ghost of Christmas Future. If I want to live long enough to dance at my grand-children's weddings I better do something.

1) Quit smoking. Sigh. I've quit so many times I should be an expert. Chantix works great, but the last time I took it, it gave me horrific nightmares. I guess that's better than a dreamless eternal nap. January 1, 2011 I will quit. For good this time.
2) Exercise. Groan. I will start an exercise program. Step aerobics works the best for me and I already have all the equipment. Get them out and dust them off.
3) Diet and lose weight. Scream. I am a carboholic. I only eat meat and vegetables to keep me alive so I can eat more cake. But... if I'm dead, there will never be any more cake. All right, already. Sob. Sniff.

Some might say that I'm biting of more than I can chew. Make too many New Year's Resolutions and you're bound to fail. I usually only make one, and I never succeed, so I might as well go for the gusto. It's about time that I stopped being my own worst enemy. Even tough it was kind of fun.

Here goes. Wish me luck!

Monday, December 27, 2010

Auld Lang Syne

Here it is. The end of 2010. It was a great year for me. I got to see my novel 'Passing Whispers' published, and I have a lot to be thankful for. A wonderful, loving family. Awesome friends. A great job. Good health. There's really not much more I could ask for.

But now it's time to think about New Year's Resolutions. Like most years before this one, I have a long list to choose from. I can't say I've ever succeeded though, or that it was fun trying. I guess the endeavor to improve yourself is always difficult, but worth the effort, however brief.

I really do need to quit smoking. For good. I don't have to tell you why, we all know the reasons. I need to start exercising. I'm probably in the worst physical shape of my life right now. I need to spend less time on Face Book and start writing again. Get into some kind of routine. Drag my lazy butt out of bed and go to church on Sundays. Sort though the 14,000 pics I have stored on my computer. I should learn to stick to a budget. Put some money away for my rapidly approaching old age. 
I guess my biggest obstacle is thinking there's always tomorrow. I'm going to run out of them someday.

Okay. I'm going to do it. Really.

Thank God I have one more week to lay around, eat, smoke and spend money I don't have. But then, that's it. Discipline. Routine. Organization. I will be envied by thousands of people like myself. "How does she do it?", they'll ask themselves. "My mother is such a great role model," my kids will say over and over again. My grandkids will write essays claiming I'm the person who they want to be like when they grow up. Yeah. I can see it now. Nice.

How many days do I have left?

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas
to my family,
and Readers!

May 2011 bring you 
peace, love and happiness.
Be safe!

Monday, December 20, 2010

Thursday, December 16, 2010

The Best Book Trailer (Video) for 2010 (submission stage ends Dec. 15th 2010)

The Best Book Trailer (Video) for 2010 (submission stage ends Dec. 15th 2010)

The 'Passing Whispers' Book Trailer is in a contest! The cast worked so hard on it. I'd love to see them recognized for their effort. Won't you please take a moment each day until January 15th to vote for it? Click 'See All Entries' and vote (thumbs up sign) under 'Lisa Vance'. Thanks so much!

Ten Christmas's

Ten Christmas's from now
you won't remember how many lights you put up,
how many cards you got back,
or how many parties you were invited to.

It won't matter if it snowed on Christmas Eve,
or if anyone came late for Christmas dinner.
No one will recall how much time and money you spent shopping,
or how nicely you wrapped the gifts.

It won't be important anymore that your house
wasn't always neat and tidy when company stopped by to visit.
Ten Christmas's from now
you'll only remember baking cookies with the kids, 
drinking hot chocolate after Christmas Mass,
and stealing kisses under the mistletoe
with the one you love.
You'll still remember visiting old friends, reading Christmas
Stories to the children,
and calling your grandmother to tell her how much you loved the
afghan she crocheted for you.

When you close your eyes ten Christmas's from now
you'll still be smiling when you remember the looks on their faces
when your children woke up on Christmas morning
and discovered that Santa had eaten all the cookies they left out
for him.

Ten Christmas's from now the only memories you'll cherish
will be
the ones you hold in your heart.
The smiles, the laughter, the joy, the singing,
and the hugs.

Christmas is love.  
Fill your heart with it.

Happy Holidays to all my friends and Readers.
Here's hoping that 2011 will be a great year for all of us!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Guest Interview With Frances Pauli

I'm honored to have a guest author with me today. Please welcome Frances Pauli!

Tell us a bit about your latest book,
and what inspired you to write such a story.
Frances: My new release, 'Lords of Oak and Holly', is a holiday story about a
down-on-her-luck ice sculptor who ends up taking a commission from the
prince of winter. She's always loved the unpopular season, and falls
for its personification as well, but ends up caught in the middle of a
battle between him and his Summer counterpart.

I love myth, and this tale explores the idea of the Oak King and the
Holly King vying for supremacy as the seasons change. In the tale, the
cold season is feared, and the need for balance between the two is
misunderstood. Its a theme I enjoy, that dark and light are equally

What kind of promotions do you do for your books?
Frances: I'm still learning, but I enjoy guest blogging and virtual book tours
because I can meet a cross-section of readers and other authors and I
can provide content as well instead of just saying, Hey, buy my book.
I just can't bring myself to do that.
I know that self-promotion is really stressed right now, but I think
it's been overdone a lot, and in some places is really driving the
readers batty. Not a good thing for any reason. I post my releases and
news on Facebook and I'm looking into some purchased ads, but I can't
say what's working and what isn't at this point. I suspect the best
thing an author can do is write a better book the next time, and a
better one after garner that elusive word of mouth that we
all want.

When did you start writing? Can you share an anecdote
 from your earliest writing years? 
Frances: I've been writing since they invented dirt. But seriously, regularly
writing for about five years now. I can't imagine not doing it, and
I've been known to take a day off and have to fight myself not to sit
in that chair and start typing.
An anecdote...hmmm. Well, back in High School a million years ago, I
sent a short story to the Writer's of the Future contest. For some
reason that round they put all my heroes on the judges panel, Andre
Norton, Anne McCaffrey, you name it. I can only pray they didn't
actually read the story. I recently did, and I'm still in hiding. Wow.
Thank heavens we get better with age/time, right?
Which of your characters do you love/hate/fear/pity the most
and why?
Frances: I love my heroes, all of them. I have to. I fall in love every time I
write a book. It's probably why I write romance.
But my favorite characters are the sidekicks. I like quirky, odd side
characters that show up for no reason and take over large portions of
the book, or demand their own later. So far, I have an invisible best
friend, a gelatinous alien clutz and a barkeep who just wants her very
own fairy. It its weird, I'll probably do it.
How would you handle negative criticism or a negative review?
Have you ever gotten a bad review?
Frances: Define negative? :-) My first book got several reviews, and while they all rated it fairly
high, there were all these comments. You know, the ones that make you
feel like every little mistake, every flaw is exposed to the world.
They were certainly valid points---no book is perfect--but they still
stung even though all the reviewers also mentioned that they really
liked the book.
How did I handle it? How do you? You learn from it, write a better
story next time, shake it off and eat some chocolate...lots of
chocolate helps.
Do you have another book in the works? 
Would you like to tell the Readers about  
your current or future projects?
Frances: Oh boy, do I! I can't stop writing, remember? Right now Im working on
next years holiday stories. You see, the Summer prince has demanded I
tell his side of the story. I also have a bunch of releases coming up.
The first book in my urban fantasy trilogy, 'A Moth in Darkness', is due
out soon. Bring on the fairies! I also have a futuristic romance
coming, a supers romance, and book two in my Dimensional Hotel series,
Aspect Ratio for spring.
I'll also be starting book two of my free serial in January.
book one is there as a free read.
Before we let you go, tell us five random things about yourself.
Frances: Random...hmmmm.
I have two children, toddlers
I love tarantulas and own a hairless dog
I play the ukulele
I make a mean meatloaf
I may love the idea of space travel, but no way are you getting me off
this rock! (too scary)

Thanks so much for having me! You can keep in touch and find out more
about upcoming books at my website:
or on my blog:
and on facebook. (links on both above pages)

Lords of Oak and Holly
Devine Destinies
Dec 15 2010

"Maris always loved winter, but she never dreamed
she'd actually meet Him..."

When her interpretation of a traditional holiday scene
loses Maris the annual ice sculpting competition,
her favorite season takes a turn toward dismal.
The rent is due, and her landlady won’t accept a fourth
place ribbon. So when the enigmatic, Lord Brayce,
arrives with a last minute commission, Maris jumps
at the chance. And as her host’s icy exterior begins to
melt away, Maris finds there is far more to him
than meets the eye, and his attentions leave her wishing
this particular job could last forever.
But when Brayce’s family arrives for the holiday,
Maris is plunged head over heels into a world of secrets
and an age old conflict between brothers.
Can an ordinary girl survive at the center of a battle
straight out of myth? And if her impossible suspicions
are correct, what are the odds that Maris can win
her prince?

Thank you, Frances! Good luck with your books!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

And the winner is...

The winner of the 'Passing Whispers Win A Kindle Contest' is...

Nicole Marris!

Congratulations, Nicole! She'll be reading my paranormal romance novel 'Passing Whispers' on her way down to Florida. Here's hoping she has a great time and enjoys the book, too!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Pinch me!

I've been writing for ten years now and I can't tell you how many times my novel has been rejected. I often wondered if I'd EVER get anything published. My mother was a writer and no matter how many rejections she got, she never gave up. Her enthusiasm and faith were contagious, so I just kept at it. Not too many people get to see their their dream come true (my mother didn't), but I'm happy to report that TODAY... I will! Devine Destinies has released my first, paranormal romance novel 'Passing Whispers'!

It's thrilling. It's terrifying. I want to shout it from the rooftops. I want to hide under the covers. Yes, I'm a Gemini and always struggle with conflicting feelings. This could change my life forever if fate looks at me kindly, or it could be the biggest disappointment of my life, if fate is toying with me.

One of the best parts is that my kids are proud of me. I hope that I can inspire them the way my mother inspired me. I'm awestruck at how supportive friends, family and co-workers can be. Their words of encouragement pull me out of the fear and doubt that grips me even now. My grandson, Brandon (8 years old) is wild with anticipation.

My only regret is that my parents didn't live to see this. I know my mother is smiling down at me from Heaven and is doing everything she can to help me. My Dad would have been my biggest, toughest critic, but he would be proud and excited for me, too.

I'd like to thank my kids and my daughter-in-law, for their support and undying devotion. For never shaking their heads or rolling their eyes at my visions of becoming a writer. For jumping in and helping me make the book trailer. To my grandchildren (especially Brandon) for giving up time with me because I was busy writing. To my friends and co-workers who were always ready to hug me and shout "Woo Hoo" every step of the way. To Jay and Tina at Devine Destinies for giving me a chance.

And most importantly, I'd like to thank God for giving me a wild imagination, a strong will and a great sense of humor.

Buy the book: Devine Destinies
'Passing Whispers' by Lisa Anne Vance. Under 'New Releases'. Also available on Amazon.

See the book trailer: Passing Whispers

Read my Interview: