Sunday, January 4, 2004

The Looking Glass

A few weeks before Christmas I told anybody who would listen to me that what I wanted most of all was a mirror.  A stand-up, 9 inch, electric illuminating, distortion free mirror, with a magnification of eight and a handy travel case, to be specific.  I told them all where to buy it and what isle it was on.  A few days before Christmas I began to worry that I wouldn't get one so I went out and bought it myself.  I told Ray that it would be to me from him.  Of course he had already purchased one for me, just like my son, each one of my two daughters, my best friend, and my mother.  I guess I should have trusted them, but I've been disappointed in the past, and I really, really wanted that mirror.  I thought that it would be a lot easier to pluck my eyebrows if I had a mirror with an 8X magnification.  And a light.  Even though it seemed that I didn't have to pluck them as much in the past few years as I did when I was younger.  As I looked into that distortion free mirror yesterday, I realized that I was wrong.  My eyebrow hairs hadn't stopped growing.  They hadn't even slowed down.  I just couldn't SEE them anymore!  Why had no one told me?  Thank God Ray can't see any better than me!  I knew I was beginning to get wrinkles, creases and maybe a little less... facially firm.  After gazing into my virtual reality looking glass practically all afternoon I now realize the full extent of the damage.  I am being... ravaged!  I have wrinkles in places that I have never even seen before!  Facial firmness?  Apparently I've been on simmer for so long that I am now melting.  I have tiny spider veins.  Everywhere!  I think my gums may be receding!  Don't tell me I see a few ... OH NO!  Mustache hairs!  Damn those hormone replacement pills!  Maybe I shouldn't have jumped right in with an 8X.  I should have asked for a 5X first, and slowly eased my way into shock and terror.  Can I ever go back now to my semi-blindness?  Can I ever see myself through rose colored glasses?  Will my mirror ever again tell me that yes, I am the fairest maid of all?  I... somehow doubt it.

14 comments:

readmereadyou said...

I laughed so hard at this one! The same thing just happened to me. I bought myself an 8X magnification last month and could have written the above. ROTFLLLLL! Thanks for the laughs today.
Angela

carolhehe said...

Honey I avoided those mirrors for years! Since about the time I hit 40! Now I have to use the damn thing, I can't see to put my makeup on now waaaaaaaaa! I am 52 now. I hate that mirror that shows every crease and wrinkle. My eyebrows did almost completly stop having to be plucked now if that is any consolation. LMAO
GypsyPaths
http://journals.aol.com/carolhehe/GypsyPaths

redhdka said...

That mirror is evil and it lies put it back in the box and give it away to someone you hate next year.

chapterxxi said...

OK, OK, let's put this in perspective, did you look at the top of your head? Have you cleaned it yet? Is the mirror itself, a little shaky?
If: a resounding NO, then throw the damned thing away.
If: yes, then it's broke, that wasn't you. Trust me!!!!!! LOL
Make me laugh some more. Race

dehl1980 said...

You are so sick!
I can't understand why you are still living a life of anonymity!
You should have your own show, you are way funnier than those guys on TV Raymond and Jerry!


slowmotionlife said...

LOL... 6 mirrors!! You hit the jackpot!! Funny entry! Darn those wrinkles and gray eyebrow hairs!!

Great journal! :)
http://journals.aol.com/slowmotionlife/slowmotionlife

karensull12 said...

I'm thinking that maybe you just got a bad mirror. You know the ones I'm talking about--the ones that make you feel bad. I swear there are mirrors that make me look like an extreme glamour girl and others that make me look like a wicked old witch. My advice is that you shop around until you find a good one...

lotzamoe said...

My mother asked for the same kind of mirror when I was a kid. I bought her the rear view mirror from a truck and a box of stick matches. Yes she was mad, but she never saw any of the things you mention. It's hard to see flaws when the matches keep burning your fingers.

krobbie67 said...

All I can say is next time, be careful of what you ask for, you might just get it. LMAO. Great Entry!!! ---Robbie

itsjustusinnc said...

ROTFL!!!! Great entry!! Love it! Love it! I see someone else has had a love affair with their mirror as I have! But never fear! I say that once your mirror stops singing your praises it is indeed time to trade it in for one that has a little more sense!:-)

Gregg

floralilia said...

alas, i too, feel your pain. I am sure that there is a special place in hell reserved for whomever invented that evilness - that, and control top pantyhose.
those damn magnifying mirrors sure give new meaning to the words "ignorance is bliss", eh?

thank heavens there are no FULL length distortion free, magnification mirrors out there - can you imagine the horrors they would expose?!

great journal, btw..

andreakingme said...

I'm convinced that the older you get, the more important and beneficial it is to REALLY love who you are. Wrinkles, gray hair and all. What really matters to you and to everyone else is the girl inside.

Okay? Okay!

floralilia said...

...nice try andrea...

mdkjic said...

hmmm...8x for perfect brow plucking huh? I have a tip for you that I learned from my brother-in-law: Men don't notice eyebrows unless they are stacked on top of one another." I suggest you get a pair of rose colored glasses, drink a glass of wine, turn on the 8X mirror and croon to yourself, "Damn girl! You look so fine!" (It works for me since I stopped plucking.)