My Destiny Part II

The reason I am bringing all of this up in the first place is because Ray went skiing today with a friend.  He left me home, all alone, with the box of chocolate covered cherries he gave me for Valentine's Day.  I promised him that I wouldn't eat them all in one day.  That I would space them out so I could enjoy them for at least a week.  If he really expected me to keep that promise he wouldn't have left me all alone with the box.  He wouldn't have given me chocolate in the first place.  Would you buy a wino a bottle of fine wine, leave him alone with it and tell him to just take a sip or two each day so that it would last longer?  Do you really think that once you turned the corner he would savor the bouquet, and then push the cork back into the bottle?  Do you think it's possible that when you find him later he will be sitting there reading the Wall Street Journal?  That on this very happy, very lucky day he's having, you won't find him drunk out of his mind singing songs at the top of his lungs?  Now what do you think I will be doing with myself after I finish this entry?  Cleaning the bathroom?  Stuffing a turkey?  Sweeping up alien droppings from the driveway?  Do you actually think you'll find me huffing and puffing on the Bowflex?  Only if I can do it while I'm eating chocolate covered cherries.  Will Ray come home tonight and find an empty heart-shaped box, little brown papers littering the floor, and me lying there, all round and smiling with chocolate on my breath?  Not on your life.  I'll put the papers in the trash compactor, hide the empty box and I'll be at work till midnight.  So excuse me.  My destiny is melting.

Are you talking to ME?

Happy Valentine's Day!

 So tomorrow is Valentine's Day.  When you're married your friends always want to know if your husband sent you flowers.  When you're not married your friends want to know if your boyfriend popped the question.  I've never been able to give them the answer they really wanted to hear, even though I've been in both situations.  My ex never sent me flowers.  Every year for 28 years I had to go out and buy my own candy, but at least I knew I'd get some.  Last year was my first Valentine's Day with Ray and although it was very romantic, it was too soon for him to be popping any questions.  My ex got engaged this past Christmas Eve and he'll be marrying his insignificant other at the end of the month.  Ray's ex is living with her boyfriend and she just had a baby a few months ago.  I guess the only way Ray and I could top that would be to win the lottery.  Or announce that we were selling the house, quitting our jobs and leaving next week to sail around the world, stopping in several remote locations where we planned on volunteering our time to teach orphaned eagles to fly, and starving villagers to grow their own crops.  Or... we could just remain as in love as we are today.  Actions really do speak louder than words.  So tomorrow, no matter what you get, where you go or how you celebrate it, just remember to take a few minutes to tell your special someone how much you love them and how happy you are.  And don't forget all the wonderful things they have done for you, not just tomorrow, but all year long.  You can say it with flowers, or chocolate or diamonds... just make sure you say, "I love you!" 
Happy Valentine's Day!!

But will you still love me tomorrow?

 Valentine's Day pressure starts in grade school when you exchange cards with your classmates.  That may be one of the first times we begin to think that life will give us back as much as we put into it.  I remember equating my entire worth as a person by how many cards I got back.  Teenage girls have come to expect as much from their boyfriends as adult women do.  Half the fun is telling your girlfriends what you got and how he surprised you with it.  His romance potential is measured, gauged, and calculated from whatever he does or doesn't do on this day of all days.  It doesn't matter how he treats you the rest of the year, but by God, he better do it right today!  “He seemed like a wonderful guy.  He called her whenever he was away on a business trip and sung love songs to her over the phone.  He stayed up all night with her when she was sick, and he went to school with her kid on Father and Daughter Day even though he isn't her father, BUT... he didn't send her flowers on Valentine's Day! ”  Who really benefits from Valentine's Day?  Who even thought of it?  Hallmark? 1-800 FLOWERS?  Zale's Diamonds?  Whitman's Chocolates?  And don't forget to buy cards, flowers, and candy to give to your mother, father, children, and friends.  "Say it with flowers!"  "Say it with diamonds!"  Geeze!   Just SAY IT already!  Remember that love is a lot more than what you get on Valentine’s Day.  Getting flowers doesn’t prove that you’re loved.  And getting no flowers doesn’t mean that you’re not.

Just TELL her!

This Saturday is Valentine's Day; the barometer in every romantic relationship.  With a little imagination and determination one man can alter his image, his status, even his future.  There are plenty of businesses more than willing to suggest, guide and assist him in presenting his beloved with the most romantic day in her entire life.  You can't even find an ordinary greeting card. Today successful enterprises utilize the talents of world-class poets, writers and artists to create cards that are large, heavy, battery powered and quite expensive.  Beautiful flowers can be sent to her home or office, hand grown in the gardens of a foreign country. Gourmet Candies indicate the depth of your devotion.  Stuffed animals play music ranging from classical to rock.  Don't forget to add balloons.  You can send these gifts to her through a courier who will recite your poem or sing your song while dressed as her favorite character.  Paint your message on a rented billboard or have an airplane trail a streamer across the sky for the entire world to read.  Light up her name on an electronic score board.  Take out a newspaper ad.  Have a local TV or radio personality tell her on the air.  Create a Web Page.  Give her perfume, lingerie, jewelry, candles, or a certificate to pamper her at the spa...  Movies, theater, dancing, great restaurants, fire works, weekend getaways!  Take out a second mortgage; fly her to Paris for a midnight picnic under the Eiffel Tower while Celine Dion sings "your song" as you toast each other with the finest champagne money can buy.  Even better ...have the entire moment videotaped.  Rent out a local theater when you get back home and invite all of her family, friends and coworkers to watch it.  Serve chocolate covered strawberries while the guests listen to you propose on bended knee.  Never pass up the opportunity to impress her girlfriends, so give her with the biggest diamond you can afford.  But what ever you do this Saturday, after you've told the world how much you love her, don't forget to tell ... her.

20/20

I hate wearing glasses.  At this point in my life it's just one more thing that I put down and then can't find later when I need them.  Unfortunately, I can't read a thing without them.  Like menus.  If I couldn't tell that I was holding it upside down, does the waiter think that turning it around for me will make a difference?  Since I can't wear my glasses in the shower how am supposed to tell the difference between the shampoo and the conditioner?  The more powerful and expensive an anti-wrinkle cream is, the smaller the tube is that it comes in.  Who do they think will be straining to read that microscopic print?  Price tags.  While shopping the other day I could have sworn that the price tag said $12.50.  The cashier rang it up as $125.00.  Those decimal points are so damn tiny.  The thermostat.  I gave up trying to see the numbers on the display.  The heat in our house is usually somewhere between sweaty and chattering teeth.  Remote Controls for TV.  Most of the time I just push any old button and watch whatever brings up a picture.  If I accidentally hit the 'off' button, I can always sign onto the computer.  Microwaves.  If you want me to heat it up for you, be happy with barely warm unless you like liquid molten lava.  Watches.  If you ask me what time it is, the best I can do is hold out my arm so YOU can look at it.  I also noticed that they stopped making seconds hands recently.  Caller ID.  What good is it?  Unless one of us is wearing our glasses when the phone rings, we have no idea who's calling.  Cell phones.  I have all my most frequently dialed and important phone numbers programmed into mine.  But half the calls I make are to the wrong people.  I can't tell the difference between their name and the person I really wanted to talk to.  No big deal though.  By the time we hang up I probably won't remember who I wanted to call in the first place.

Even The Surgeon General has it!

I think I may have contracted a disease.  I have a lot of symptoms.  Muscle stiffness, especially in the morning, diminishing eyesight, night blindness, decreased skin elasticity, forgetfulness, loss of hair pigmentation, weight gain, enlarged abdomen, sagging breasts, and flappy arms.  I've also noticed an increase in the desire for alcoholic beverages, especially wine, frequent intake of high calorie, high fat foods and a sudden fascination for warmer climates like Florida.  I haven't actually had the diagnosis confirmed by a doctor yet, but I'm pretty sure I know what it is, and even worse ... it's incurable and eventually fatal.  It's odd since so many people are suffering with it that there aren't any organizations soliciting research money to look for a cure.  In fact, the last person that I heard of who was actively looking for ANY kind of a treatment was Ponce DeLeon.  I'll have to tell the kids I guess.  I'm not sure how long I'll be able to continue working.  There may come a day when I'll have to stop altogether.  I think I may have gotten it from Ray.  I know HE'S been diagnosed...  I saw an AARP Card in his wallet.