Happy Mother's Day, Mom

 

She's the one who carried you in her womb for nine long months.

And even though she knew she'd have morning sickness, stretch marks and hours of hard labor, she couldn't wait to hold you in her arms.

 

She's the one who got up with you every two hours through the night, and rocked you to sleep when you were teething or sick.

 

She's the one who wiped your nose, wore baby spit-up as perfume, and worried about you all night if she ever got a chance to go out and leave you with a baby-sitter.

 

She's the one who stayed up late helping you with your homework, and spent a few weekends helping you finish your class projects.

She's the one who baked cupcakes for the school bazaar and sewed your costume for the class play.

 

She's the one who ran around out front taking pictures of you and your date on Prom Night and spent half the night worrying about you afterwards.

 

She was at most of your games cheering for you, and never forgave herself for missing the others.

She picked you up after practice, and stayed in the background so she wouldn't embarrass you.

 

She's the one who always told you that you were beautiful, and the one who still loved you when you told her you couldn't wait to move out and be on your own.

 

She's the one who cried at your wedding, and held your hand when you were having your own baby.

She's the one person who loves your kids as much as you do.

 

You know who she is.

 

I hope you called her today and wished her a Happy Mother's Day.

 

If you didn't... it's not too late.

She's still waiting for you to call.

 

I wish I could call my Mom.

 

Happy Mother's Day, Mom.

A Public Service Announcement

As a Registered Nurse I am frequently asked questions about HMO Insurances.  So I'd like to take this opportunity to explain some of the details your doctor and employer may have neglected to tell you.
Q. What does HMO stand for?A. This is actually an abbreviation of the phrase, "HEY MOE." Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eye.
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Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the plan. The doctors basically fall into two categories--those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer participating in the plan. But don't worry, the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half-day's drive away and a diploma from a third world country.

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Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?A. No. Only those you need.

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Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.
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Q What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment. ---------------------------------------------Q.. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it didn't seem to be strong enough.  What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye. ---------------------------------------------
Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A. You really shouldn't do that. ---------------------------------------------

Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his/her office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all your risking is the $20 co-payment, there's no harm in giving it a shot. ---------------------------------------------

Q. Will health care be different in the next century?
A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.

I hope this has cleared up some of the misconceptions about HMO's.  Now get out there and start taking care of yourselves!
PS:  The above material is not meant to be taken seriously.  If you are sick, see a doctor,even if you don't have any insurance at all.  You don't have anything if you don't have your health.  And finding a date is darn near impossible!

Love Poems For Middle-Aged Women

Sometimes great marital advice can read like a poem.  Here's one that was sent to me by a good friend, who's been married a long, long time...

He didn't like my casseroles 
And he never liked my cakes...

My biscuits weren't flaky...
Not like his mother used to make.

I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like my stew,

I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue...

Then I turned around and smacked him... 
Just like his Mother used to do!

                   

I'll take a laugh wherever I can get one!  Sorry guys!

To 2006

Standing here, at the cross roads of my life, looking back at the paths I've taken, and questioning which way to turn now that the rest of my life is before me, I realize that I am completely lost and have absolutely no idea where to go.

But since no one even knows that I'm missing, there won't be any search and rescue teams out looking for me. 

I guess my only hope of salvation is ... me.  No Hero or Prince Charming will be scooping me up and carrying me to a Happily Ever After ending.

I feel so small and insignificant.  Can I possibly do this?  (Closing eyes, pinching nose and taking a deep breath before jumping)...

"Here goes nothing!" I scream to no one in particular.

And as expected, no one in particular answers.

Happy New Year!

Like old times...

My Thanksgiving Dinner went off like a Norman Rockwell painting.  Total reality in color.

 

We bought a foil roasting pan that didn't have handles, so when we tried to lift the turkey into the oven, all the water at the bottom of the pan poured over the sides onto the floor.  At least we managed to catch the bird.  Lisa ran out to the store and bought a foil pan WITH handles, and the turkey was in the oven by 7am.

 

I figured it would be finished cooking around 3:30pm so I asked everyone to be here at 1:30.  My sister, her son and his girlfriend weren't able to come, and my ex-brother-in-laws' ex-wife had the flu so she couldn't make it either.  That left a total of only 20 people for dinner.

By  3pm I noticed that the little popper on the turkey still hadn't popped.  The mashed potatoes were already finished cooking, and I still had a sweet potato casserole and extra stuffing to warm up in the oven.

 

Somewhere around 5:30pm I brought out more hours' derves and opened a bottle of wine.  I was in a great mood though, and nothing seemed to bother me.  Of course those 2 glasses of wine on an empty stomach didn't hurt, either.

 

My vegetable tray had been quite a crowd pleaser right up until my ex mother in law announced that she lost one of her capped teeth and hoped that it hadn't fallen into the vegetable dip.

 

It was nearing 6:30pm when I slowly came to the realization that my oven temperature gauge must be wrong.  So I turned it up to 500 degrees.  Now the spilled juices on the bottom of the oven kept burning and setting off my smoke detectors, and my grandson kept screaming every time they alarmed.  He hates loud noises.

 

I finally gave up at 7:30 pm.  I took the turkey out of the oven, carved it, and then nuked it in the microwave.

 

By then,everyone was REALLY thankful.

And isn't that what this holiday is all about?

Happy Thanksgiving

Another Thanksgiving.  And another chance to reflect upon the many blessings bestowed upon us.

   
Besides the obvious ones (my children, my adorable grand son, my new house, my job, my health, my friends, living in the USA, and the men and women in uniform who put their lives on the line for us everyday), I'd like to list a few other blessings that may otherwise seem to go unnoticed.

 
I'm thankful for Wawa French Vanilla Cappuccino.  It's truly the nectar of the Gods.  There aren't many things in this life that can bring you so much happiness for less than a buck fifty.

 
I'm thankful for my icemaker.  It gives me both crushed and cubed, and I never, ever have to fill up trays or wrestle the ice out of them.  I can honestly say that my ice maker has improved my relationship with my kids.

 
I'm happy that I have a big screen TV.  It's not really mine, cause I'm renting it, but I love it.  Not only is it better to watch all my favorite programs on the larger screen, I can read the listings of upcoming programs without my glasses.

 
I'm thrilled to have a DVR Recorder.  A very nice companion to the big screen TV, I can record all the programs that I don't want to miss, and watch them when there's nothing else on.  How convenient is that?

 
Not a night goes by when I'm not thankful for my ceiling fan.  It was quite expensive, but worth every cent.  It's quiet, actually controls the temperature of the room, has a light fixture, and it does all this via remote control.  It's what every menopausal woman suffering with hot flashes needs!

 
I'm thankful for my AAA membership.  No matter where I go, or even who's car I'm in, if I break down or get a flat tire they are there for me.  Last year I had 2 flat tires on separate occasions, in absolutely subzero temperatures.  I don't know what I would have done if AAA wasn't there to save me!

 
I'm thrilled with my Dyson vacuum cleaner.  I will never be able to use any other.  It really works, and never loses suction.  And no matter how many times I break it, they always send me replacement parts for free!  And without bags or belts I will always be able to use it whenever I have the urge to vacuum.  If only I'd get the urge, it would work even better!

 
I'm so happy that lady standing outside of Bed, Body and Bath snagged me while I was walking by and slathered some cream called 'Pure Silk' onto my hands.  My hands are so soft now, any man that took my hand in his wouldn't want to let go.  If only I could find a man...

I'm thankful for MAC Cards, cell phones, gel nails and digital cameras.

But most of all, I'm thankful that I have a place to retreat to, anytime I want, called J-Land.  A place where you can listen to the stories from people scattered across the world.  You can read all about their latest adventures and even look at the pics.  They share their familles, their hopes and their dreams.  You quickly find yourself cheering them on, laughing at their antics, and dreading a visit from their mother-in-law right beside them.  You share their joys and grieve their losses.  They inspire and encourage you.

J-Land reduces the globe into a little neighborhood.  The closest friends you may never meet, but are in your heart just the same.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Dear AOL...

        HEY, AOL! 

           MY JOURNAL... MY ADS! 

                       

 MAY I Recommend THE VASELINE? 

        IT'S ON SPECIAL TODAY,

             ALL OVER J-LAND.

        "AOL Journals.  Your Thoughts.  Your Blog." 
                   I think that means it's MINE! 
   So get off my site with your stupid, blinking ads!

            Here's a taste of your own medicine!

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