My 50th Birthday

Fifty years.  My God!  Where did the time go?  When I was a little girl the days seemed so long.  Now, they go by in the blink of an eye.  Most of the time I’m too busy to even notice.  Fifty years.  A half of a century.  When do I get my gold watch?
So what has changed in my life?  I am a bigger person than I used to be.  At least four sizes and 40 pounds bigger.  I don’t see things as clearly as I used to, but I’m not sure I want to. 
I've discovered that baseball caps, sunglasses and baggy clothes are Key to middle-age living.  I don’t even wear  as much make-up as I did before.
I am convinced that menopause is the devil’s curse.  Hot flashes, mood swings and forgetfulness are a part of my daily life.

Every now and then, I do think about exercising.  Usually after I run out of potato chips.
I hate climbing steps and I hate my boss.  Maybe not in that order though. It's frustrating to be the only one who knows just exactly how great I am.
I decided that I don’t like sex anymore.  It interferes with my TV watching and my nap time.  I still have lustful urges, but now it's for cherry danish and ice cream. 
My kids are annoying.  They are at that age where they just won’t listen and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.  Those 'terrible late twenties'.  You would think that by now, they would have realized that I am almost always right.  About everything.  I wish I had someone like me to run to and ask advice.
The only person who truly realizes the degree of my greatness is my 3 year old grandson.  What a cuti-pie he is.  And smart, too.  There is nothing that he thinks I can’t do.  He tried to get me to climb a cyclone fence the other day, so we could walk down to the lake. 
I started teaching my grandson the important things in life.  Things he can remember me by.  Like squirting whip cream into your mouth right out of the can and collecting seashells on the beach. 

I used to put money aside to save up for a face lift.  Now I'm going to use that money to take Brandon to Disneyworld.

 

I finally have my priorities in order. 

                                                                  
                                           My parents, Geri and Ray.

                                                                   

                  At age 16, I ran away to Elkton, Maryland to get married.

                                                               
                                  We had three kids by the time I was 22.

                                                                
                                   Soon after our third child was born,
                                we built our first house in New Jersey.

                                                                 
                           I became a Licensed Practical Nurse in 1983.

                                                                   
                                                 My husband graduated
                                 from the State Police Academy in 1984.

                                                                
                                         I graduated from college in 1988
                                          and became a Registered Nurse.
                              I only wish my Dad could have lived to see it.

                                                    
                                     We built out 'dream house' in 1997.

                                                      
                    We took our last family vacation in 1998 to Hawaii.
                 In 1999 I filed for a divorce and we sold the house.

                                                           
                                 On April 7, 2002 my grandson Brandon
                                         was born to my daughter, Tina.

                          
                      My son Joe married his wife, Bonnie in June of 2002.

                                                         
                           I went on to become a Nursing Supervisor.

                                                  
                           
                                       When my 'Mid-Life Crisis' hit,
                              I tried skydiving and Stand-Up Comedy.

                                                                  
                               My guy Ray and I met On-Line in August 2002.

                                                                 
                                              Now, I live with Lisa Jr, Tina,
                                           my "honorary daughter", Kathy,
                                               and my grandson, Brandon.

                                                        
                                             And I'm happy and content
                                     being a mother and a grandmother.

                                                   
                                      On the ground and off the stage...
                       Wrinkled, saggy and wearing baggy clothes...

                        Out of shape, sweaty and totally exasperated...

                                     Tired, partially senile and broke...

                                              I've never been happier.

                                It just doesn't get any better than this!

 

                        So what's in store for me in the next 50 years?

                                         I can hardly wait to find out!