And sometimes you're the bug...

When I first started writing this blog years ago my mission statement was that someday I wanted to find my place in the world. Where I wasn't just 'The Occupant' of my domain. I wanted to be the owner. Where 'all the mail was addressed to me'. I came close so many times. I could taste it. Feel it. Now I wonder... how many times does a person have to fall off a bike before they realize that they just can't ride? Apparently many times.

I've been writing and dreaming of becoming a successful author since I was a little girl. My first taste of success was writing a daily blog on AOL back in 2003. I was named 'AOL's Editor's Choice' TWICE! For a few hours on those two days if you signed onto AOL you'd see my picture and a description of my blog (and a link to it) on the opening page! I was actually contacted by a literary agency in New York City who wanted me to re-write the blog and have it published in book form. I was on my way (or so I thought).

Well, AOL decided to stop offering blogs so I moved to Blogger. But without a forwarding address I lost most of my Readers. After talking to the NY agents for a few hours I knew I wouldn't be able to write all about my adventures as a newly divorced, middle aged woman from NJ including all the details they wanted without dredging up quite a few bad memories that were anything but funny and embarrassing my children, so I had to decline their offer.

As a very unusual but exciting Christmas gift my kids purchased a comedy workshop course for me at a local community college. "You're a natural!" they assured me. I did take the course and actually appeared in ten shows in the months following graduation. Although my kids probably thought I was on my way, unfortunately, I discovered that I suffered with an extreme case of stage fright that never got any better so I decided to give up performing in public.

I returned to writing and after numerous rejections I got my first book published with Devine Destinies in 2010.  Signing that contract was every bit as exciting as giving birth to a beautiful child. This time I was sure I was on my way. Alas, 'Passing Whispers' was only available as an Ebook and for some reason it didn't sell. Even my friends preferred a printed version. I put out a book trailer which I hoped would get the attention of the people who produce movies for Hallmark. It would make a wonderful Hallmark Christmas movie! Until it didn't. But I'm still hoping! I didn't renew my contract in 2012 and haven't found another publisher as yet.

In 2015 I found Tate Publishing who agreed to publish my first children's book 'There's a Monster In My Closet!' Much more successful than 'Passing Whispers' I thought I had found my niche as well as my way. Tate also agreed to publish my second children's book 'The Snow Lord and the Spring Fairy'. That book was supposed to be released in March 2017. Once again, fate intervened and Tate Publishing closed its doors before the book ever hit the shelves of Amazon.

Now I know all the stories about other authors like Stephen King, whose wife retrieved his last novel out of the trash where he had thrown it, only to see it discovered by a different publisher who put it out and made King a household name. Or the story about J.K. Rowling who considered suicide after years of depression and failure before introducing the world to Harry Potter, one of the most successful book series of all time.

My problem is I'm already 62 years old and I don't have an entire lifetime ahead of me to find success. Of course if you view that in the 'glass half full' sense, I am closer to the potential 'fame after death' phenomenon like Emily Dickinson, Johann Bach and Vincent van Gogh. Just kidding.
The very thought of leaving behind a legacy of greatness someday makes shopping for a tombstone a lot easier. Dare I say... exciting?

Of course that all depends on whether I'm luckier after death than I was in life. Hmmm. That thought gives new meaning to the phrase "I'm on my way!"

Turn the lights off, will you?

PS: I have a few hundred copies of 'There's A Monster In My Closet!' left that just happen to be available to you at cost. Email me and I'd be happy to sign them for a beloved child of your choice. Not a bad investment especially if I do become famous someday. Your book would be worth a fortune! Just think van Gogh! 
$6.99 includes free shipping for soft covers.
$11.99 includes free shipping for hard cover
Email me at: LisaBrooksBooks@aol.com. And no, I won't sell your information. I can't even sell mine!

Happy Valentine's Day

Well, here I was, all ready to post a blog about the sickeningly sweet displays of Valentine's Day that will abound today. I was going to grumble about all the money wasted on greetings cards, chocolate, flowers and expensive dinners couples would be buying for each other to 'prove their love'.

I was planning to accuse Hallmark of deliberately inventing such a day, just to increase their profits. I envisioned myself smirking at all the weddings and marriage proposals taking place today. I even thought about recalling my elementary school days, where a shy and lonely little girl may have perceived her entire worth as a person from the amount of Valentine's Day cards she did or didn't get from her classmates.

Being divorced myself, and not having a date for the past two years made me kind of jaded, I guess. Not to mention the menopausal witch who lives inside of me, ever waiting to jump out and rear her ugly head. 

Yep, I was gonna do it up big time. Just about ruin the day for all the happy couples I could find. 

But then, just like in the story 'The Grinch Who Stole Christmas' my teeny little heart warmed and grew. I met a guy on-line and met him for dinner on Saturday night. He was very nice and we talked for three and a half hours. Better yet, we've planned a second date. And although it's very new and may not even go anywhere, I've been reminded what it's like to be a "we". The pleasure of an intimate conversation with a person who wants to know you, not because he's related to you, or works with you, but because he wants to. The warm glow and distant flicker of excitement to think that maybe, just maybe, he may even desire me as a woman. For so long now I have thought of myself only as a mom, a grandmom and a nursing supervisor. The role of woman was rapidly becoming a faded memory.

And even if it doesn't work out, I felt honored to be considered, relieved I still had it in me to get out there and try and blessed to be reminded of what romance is all about.

Relationships are hard. Should we have a day set aside to celebrate love, however much we're lucky to have? You betcha!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Hello

Starting life over is a
lot like moving to a new house.
You go through all your stuff,
give away what you don't need,
and throw away everything
that's broken.

Then you pack up what's left
and transport it to an unfamiliar place
to try to find new spots
for your old things.

When you drive by your old house,
it surprises you to see other people living there.
You new neighbors 
smile and say "hello"...
but they don't really know you.

Now, most of your mail
is simply addressed to...

The Occupant.

That's me.