On Death and Dying Part 3 of 3

So... after the Obituary is in the paper, the Viewing is over and your eulogy recited, where are YOU going to spend the rest of eternity?

I'm still undecided. It's forever you know. It's not like you can change your mind after you're there. I think I'm definitely against burial. It's cold, dark and wet. There are bugs. Plus, I know my family will feel compelled to traipse out to the cemetery to visit me, and I don't want any of their holidays to include a trip to the grave yard.

I guess that leaves cremation, but where do I want my ashes? I always loved the movie, 'The Bridges of Madison County'. I thought it was so romantic when Clint Eastwood and Meryl Streep had their ashes mingled together and scattered off a local bridge so they could be together forever. Unfortunately, there is no leading man in my life at this time. I suppose there's still a chance that I have yet to meet my geriatric knight in rusty armor, but what if I don't?

The idea of being scattered in an exotic place is intriguing, but there's no guarantee where you're going to... land. I'd hate to spend eternity on the windshield of an old truck that just happened to be driving by at the time of the toss.

Perhaps, the 'wall' in a columbarium is the way to go.  If I choose one now, before I actually need it, I could check out my future 'neighbors'. Get a head-start on my eternal social 'after-life'. Plus... I could pick out a really beautiful urn for myself. The kids would probably still feel obligated to visit, but at least the columbarium is heated and air-conditioned.

I just hope they remember that my new neighbors may be watching when they do. I'd hate to over hear, "Oh my GOD! Did you see what her daughter was wearing? To visit her mother's GRAVE!? Good thing she was DEAD already!"

On Death and Dying Part 1 of 3

With my birthday looming up, I'm starting to accept the fact that not only am I over the hill, I'm sliding down the other side of it pretty quickly. I'm not really a morbid person by nature, but I do think we should all have some sort of a plan for what lies ahead.

Since I got married when I was 16 years old, I not only missed out on a wedding, I never got to go to the prom either. So, I guess the one day in my life, where I will shine, where I will be the center of attention, where all eyes will be on me, will be at my... funeral. It is rather irritating to think that on my glory day I'll be DEAD, and I probably won't look so good, but I'll do the best I can.

I may require a little help at that time. Could somebody find me a make-up artist who doesn't use a spatula to smear it on for heaven's sake? And give the hair dresser a picture of me on a good  hair day. There MUST be one somewhere. I'm sure I won't like my profile any more after I'm dead, so tilt my face to the side. False eyelashes would be a nice touch. And a manicure. Whatever you do, make sure I'm wearing a BRA. I do NOT want to look saggy in my casket. Replace my high-heeled shoes with fuzzy slippers before you put me under.

I'm a Team Player so I'll do my part, too. If I have any say in it whatsoever, I will try my very best not to die when it's bitterly cold outside. Or swelteringly hot. Actually, I'll try not to die at all, but if I have to go, I'll try to be weather conscious. I'll aim for a day that isn't anyone's birthday, anniversary, graduation, wedding, or annual holiday.  If I do go on someone's important day, please try your best to make light of it. You know a good sense of humor has always been one of my best qualities and it would be nice to always be remembered that way, too.

Stay tuned for Part II...