Wednesday, March 24, 2010

On Death and Dying Part 1 of 3

With my birthday looming up, I'm starting to accept the fact that not only am I over the hill, I'm sliding down the other side of it pretty quickly. I'm not really a morbid person by nature, but I do think we should all have some sort of a plan for what lies ahead.

Since I got married when I was 16 years old, I not only missed out on a wedding, I never got to go to the prom either. So, I guess the one day in my life, where I will shine, where I will be the center of attention, where all eyes will be on me, will be at my... funeral. It is rather irritating to think that on my glory day I'll be DEAD, and I probably won't look so good, but I'll do the best I can.

I may require a little help at that time. Could somebody find me a make-up artist who doesn't use a spatula to smear it on for heaven's sake? And give the hair dresser a picture of me on a good  hair day. There MUST be one somewhere. I'm sure I won't like my profile any more after I'm dead, so tilt my face to the side. False eyelashes would be a nice touch. And a manicure. Whatever you do, make sure I'm wearing a BRA. I do NOT want to look saggy in my casket. Replace my high-heeled shoes with fuzzy slippers before you put me under.

I'm a Team Player so I'll do my part, too. If I have any say in it whatsoever, I will try my very best not to die when it's bitterly cold outside. Or swelteringly hot. Actually, I'll try not to die at all, but if I have to go, I'll try to be weather conscious. I'll aim for a day that isn't anyone's birthday, anniversary, graduation, wedding, or annual holiday.  If I do go on someone's important day, please try your best to make light of it. You know a good sense of humor has always been one of my best qualities and it would be nice to always be remembered that way, too.

Stay tuned for Part II...

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