Powered By Blogger

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Do these pants make me look fat?

I find many more reasons to eat, then not to eat. Recent studies indicate that most Americans are overweight. Getting thin and fit could be construed as… unpatriotic. My friends would worry that I was dying. I don’t want that on my conscious.  And to be honest… I’m nothing if not honest… healthy food just isn’t fun. Have you ever heard anyone say, “Gee… what I wouldn’t do for a Granola Bar right about now!” Or, “Honey, I made your favorite dessert tonight… tofu pudding!”  No... you haven’t.

Those of you who may scoff at my ideas don’t realize the tremendous amount of thought that goes into non-dieting. And effort. My rationalization skills are far more advanced than those of my very few, skinny friends. The simple task of weighing one’s self is planned, timed and calculated. I’ve found that the best time to weigh yourself is first thing in the morning. After you‘ve peed, of course.  No sense weighing something that won’t be there permanently. It must be done on an empty stomach. Why weigh your breakfast before you’ve had the chance to digest it and turn it into fat?
The number on the scale sets the mood for the entire day.  If my weight is lower than I expected, I’m surprised and delighted.  I usually reward myself with a big plate of blueberry pancakes with a mountain of whipped cream on top. Oh! And syrup.  Some days… I’m shocked and horrified.  I’m instantly depressed and ashamed of myself. NOTHING will make me feel better than a plate of blueberry pancakes with a mountain of whipped cream on top. And syrup!

Why not? There is nothing worse on the face of this earth than being hungry AND fat at the same time.
I hope that our little talk has lightened you up a little! Pun intended. Ummm… can you pass the syrup, please?

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Glad your back to cheer us up!            Linda

Anonymous said...

Since going back to being a veggie recently, I've been snacking on roasted edamame a lot (although today I had a carbful muffin!).
The edamame is a great snack or meal & loaded with protein. I actually weighed more when I was a vegetarian for over 10 years because of my pasta & cheese consumption....
I read your comment on my journal & was glad to see you are back journaling. ~Mary

Anonymous said...

I'm one of those "grab an apple" people, but I'm also one of those grab a beer people -- unfortunately, it doesn't even out and I always contract shrinking pants syndrome as a result. Oh well, a few more brews and it doesn't seem to bother me anymore ;-)
Glad to see you're back to journaling!
Martha

Anonymous said...

Nothing is as reassurning than knowing you are in good company.

Last year I changed my diet for all "healthy foods" ..I gained 10 lbs!!!..My Dr. was terribly dissapointed...I told him not to worry...the weight gain was all anti-oxidants!

This year, I vowed to jog everyday, this worked till my knee gave out!

Just purchesed one of those fat burning exercise DVDs.....strapped on my heart rate monitor....on the screen is some fabulous babe in spandex,(can women really spread their legs that far apart????) seemingly staring right at me and smiling.."give me one more...you can do it"...."push it"

My heart rate soared and I didn't even get out of the chair!

Loved your entry here...it resonates  clearly!!  To sum it up..

I never lost a pound that couldn't find its way back to me!

Are you going to finsih that pancake on your plate? It would be politically incorrect to toss a perfectly good pancake in the garbage!

Marc :)

Anonymous said...

What this 'dieting' thing anyway? Speed up your metabolism instead! Oh my...

Anonymous said...

LOVE your sense of humor.  I made a pineapple upsidedown cake this weekend. My granddaughter helped me. Shoot, she can almost make it by herself now.  I was mortified when I got up the next morning and the 2 grandkids had finished it off.  I guess they want to keep me healthy? ;-)   Anne