I have that 'glow'!

It's a shame that menopausal hot flashes have no real purpose. I'm not talking about the once-in-a-while, uncomfortable feeling of warmth that some lucky women describe. I mean the all-encompassing, "Yes, my entire body has been thrust into a pizza oven and I am about to burst into flames!" kind of hot flash. 

I have them numerous times a day, which violently distracts me from whatever I'm doing, in an intense, often frenzied attempt to make it bearable. In between hot flashes, I'm dreading the next one. Many of my menopausal friends have been suffering from them for over 20 years! 

If no relief is in sight, can we make them WORTHWHILE? I have a few suggestions:

1) With so many baby boomers suffering from hot flashes, it's a shame no one can't figure out a way to capture all that heat and use it to a homeowner's advantage. We could lower our energy bills in the winter, heat pools in the summer and save the environment at the same time.

2) If the intense heat from a hot flash could be channeled and then shot out through the eyes or tips of fingers, menopausal women could sterilize a grandchild's dropped pacifier, dry clean her family's clothes, and steam clean carpets and drapes with a single glance. I'd even be willing to iron wrinkles out the clothes of strangers I met on the street. We could defrost dinner in a matter of seconds and melt chocolate for strawberry dipping or S'more preparation.

3) At the VERY LEAST, we should be able to conjure one up when we need one. Like walking out to the car on a frosty morning. Wouldn't it be nice to enjoy the instant warmth for a change? Eskimo women could keep the igloo toasty. Farmer's wives could hatch little chicks by the dozens. Moms could warm up their children after playing in the snow with just one hug. Aging nurses could warm blood and IV fluids right at the bedside. Sterilize instruments as the surgeon uses them.

I'm sure there must be dozens of uses for hot flashes. Can we find a silver lining to this dark and disturbing cloud? I can't see any danger in pursuing it. Besides... maybe the REAL cause of Global Warming is the number of baby boomers reaching menopause at the same time. Think about it. Millions of women hot flashing at the same time twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. All over the world. I think that would certainly raise the earth's temp a few dangerous degrees. So the government should find a cure for them just to save Mother Earth. Right?

Alas, I am not a genius or a doctor. My only hope is that maybe some scientist will read this and get inspired. A Nobel Peace Prize may be at stake!