They Alway Said This Day Would Come

I guess you could say that I am an AARP success story. I've been a subscriber to their very informative magazine for several years now and I'm a lot healthier. I watch what I eat. I no longer grab a pill every time I have an ache or pain. I exercise in moderation. Quit smoking. I try not to have more than a glass of wine once or twice a week. I get a colonoscopy every three years and have my girls mammoed every year without fail.

But despite all this progress, I feel disappointed. Lonely. Bored. Left out. Like this is the end of a wild, fantastic party where everyone had the time of their lives, and now they're gone. Just me and a broom standing there surrounded by empty champagne glasses, deflated balloons and confetti all over the floor.  

It's not because I miss the carbohydrates. Or the cigarettes. It's more than that. Much more. I think I'm missing... that way of life. The innocence or ability to indulge without giving a second thought to what the consequences might be. I miss the feeling that I was indestructible. Believing there was still plenty of time left to correct any mistakes I made.  

I didn't have a care in the world. If I was hungry, all I had to do was tear open a package, or pick up the phone and have something delivered. The only time I used any self-restraint when looking at a menu, was when I was trying to decide what I could have for dinner and still have enough room for dessert. I didn't avoid caffeine or sugar. I didn't care about sodium content or calories.  

But those days are over. I am no longer innocent. I know that I am responsible for what goes into my body and I must now suffer for a lifetime of bad habits. My prior indiscretions are here to haunt me. I guess it's time to pay the piper. And the tab is much higher than I ever thought it would be. The day that I never thought would come... is here.  

I'm all grown up whether I like it or not. I can hold my breath or lie down and kick my feet for as long as I want, but I'm not going to get my own way this time. I have to face the fact that I am not going to live forever, and even if I could, it wouldn't be long enough. My irresponsibility, laziness and poor judgment have caught up with me. Damage control is all I can strive for now. 

And, just to show you how seriously I am taking this, I'm going to resist the urge to ask if I can get that control with a side order of cheese fries.  I'm just kidding.  I'm on it...