The Less-er Me!

The road to a healthier lifestyle starts with one small step. I cleaned out my kitchen cabinets and threw away everything that wasn't healthy. By the time I finished, there was nothing left. I decided that I had to go food shopping. 

By the number of people in Shop Rite, I have to assume that many people still cook and use real food. I know I shouldn't have gone food shopping when I was hungry. All of my cupboards were bare. Think healthy, I told myself.  Healthy? I only eat meat and vegetables to keep myself alive so I can eat more carbs.

Ice cream, Cheese Pop Corn, Entenmann's Cakes. The hardest part was walking through the Bakery Section. I bet they have a bakery in heaven. There is nothing on earth like the smell of cinnamon. I saw blueberry muffins with sugar crumb topping. Strawberry Short Cakes. Cherry Danish.  Chocolate layer cake with buttercream icing.  

The temptations were almost too much to bear.  Actually they WERE too much. If I didn't have a doctor's appointment today, I'd still be there. Only a SWAT Team and a sharpshooter would have been capable of taking me out. Shoppers would have grabbed their children and run to the exit doors, fearing for their very lives. The store manager would have begged me over the intercom not to rip open any more packages of sticky buns. Newscasters would have interviewed my neighbors on live TV.  "She seemed like such a quiet woman.... We're totally shocked."  The surveillance cameras would have shown me clutching a Jewish Apple Cake to my chest. Eyes wild and glazed. Melted chocolate and powdered sugar all over my face.  "Come any closer and I'll eat another one!  I mean it!" 

I can do this. I am the master of my own destiny.The skinny woman inside of me is screaming to get out. 

Sigh! I am going to untie her and remove her gag. Then I'm going to strangle her!